Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I AM VODKA MAN
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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