Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize