Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
