On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
