i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
