she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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