Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
