I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
