Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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