LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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