Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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