Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize