Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
