just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
bring money and cleavage
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
