I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
