I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
