Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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