dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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