Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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