When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
