The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
