M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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