I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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