apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
