highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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