How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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