you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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