I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
