I have demons in me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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