And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
