She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize