Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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