I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
