Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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