She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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