i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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