Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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