i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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