I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to calm my uterus...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
