You don't have asthma, your pregnant
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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