He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
