Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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