The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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