i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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