it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
