I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
