Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
