Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
