There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
