She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
