I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
