i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
