Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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