If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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