i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
