My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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