I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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