im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
PANTIES FOUND
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