not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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