I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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