i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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