I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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