i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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