I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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