After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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