So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
