dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
