My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize