Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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