Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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