Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
