I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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