so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
