Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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