and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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