There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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