So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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