I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
