She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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