A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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