can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
